Wednesday 12 December 2012

12 December 2012

A special day for me and my lover,

My Joshua,
Wanted to tell you I'm grateful for having you, I missed the times especially when I was down you comforted me when I was being scold, I shout in front of you and cried like a baby to release my emotions,
My darling, I wanted to thank you.

Sometimes I know I hurt you and yes we cried about it and never ever scold each other and quarrel like cats and dogs do. I'm grateful you're willing to listen and I'm grateful for you for forgiving me, I sometimes think that I'm not eligible as a girlfriend for you because I was the one who hurt you the most. I'm sorry.

Was wondering how was your work today, at the secret recipiat, hope other employees there don't bully you. If they bully you, one day ill splash red paint all over secret recipe ... DX no lah:) I hope everyday you'll be happy by my side.

I hope for these upcoming years, we can continue to love each other more and be hardworking together.

Love,
Phaan

Monday 29 October 2012

A story about my Joshua

Let me tell you something brief about him, he's rather handsome, talented(music, leadership, whatever you name it), lovingly, caring, sweet, seemed nice to cuddle with and smart(in studies, dealing with problems like me..DX) haha!!

Here's a story of my man,
6th June,
Kenaniah choir, Kuching choir, bintulu and Miri choir joined together to practice our songs. That time on the 6th of June, I didn't know him a single bit. I was excited that there were Miri-ians and Kuching-ians coming together. At first, I was just thinking, whether there were hot guys out there, but then I said:"nah, must concentrate on choir la! Cannot cin cai look here look there yish!" So all of us practiced, on the first day we just walk by each other, feeling nothing special, no feelings, that's on the first day.

Then the coming days, I was so curious of the Kuching people. I was wondering whether they're as arrogant as my squash friends in Kuching. And so, the next day,
I saw them gonna walk past my door. I rushed out quickly to join them.
Both our eyes met,
Hi! Hello! Blerk!!
Asking though I know they're Kuching-ians.
"You're from Kuching right?"
Yep!

Then after that we talk and talk after each break during our practice.
You never know how much I wanted to see you again and longing for tea breaks! That night, we talked and talked, played with my phone, talking with your daughter picked from microphone box. I enjoyed being with you guys but I actually started liking you. But you didn't know.
After our performance, I remembered that we sat outside your room, talked so much about school, studies, apek bro, XD :) most importantly... MUSIC!!
I also do remember I wrote all the major keys, minor keys with sharp and flats, (where is it now!??!?) I taught you how to use it.. I felt happy when I taught you these. It makes me closer to you(I can teach you them as a way to get close to you)
During the last night, my parents told me that we are going to Kuching. I felt overjoyed! I told you guys that ill be going to Kuching, although you guys had camp a for a few days, I still felt happy, I couldn't wait to meet you!

And then, there we are at the spring,
My family and I were waitin for you guys to appear at the food court below, I felt nervous and shy when I saw you.

In the movie theathre, watching kungfu panda, I was sooooo happy that you sat beside me. I want to tell you the truth, I kept looking at you, and fake myself that I had sinus, just to let you to care for me, (Ahhh I felt so stupid right now) but then you were laughing at the panda, so I kept on peeking at you... I really hate it when time pass by so fast, and we had to leave. That night, I remembered I texted you until 1 o'clock in the morning, I thought you would ask me to go to sleep and will not talk to me anymore the next day, but you didn't, I was wondering whether you had started liking me, so I continued to chat with you.
I remember that I kept teasing you on your trip to sibu, and also hoping to meet you guys on a resting stop, but to no avail. We were faster than you.

On this day morning ,
"My dad's gonna put me in sibu town for the whole day to play around"
I was happy and planned a plan to go out to meet you at mcd. I lied to my mom that I went with my church friends, but in actual fact, I was with you and your brother.
We walked around, school, riverside, and to my church where I needa prActice song for talent night show

A man who can't be moved

Looking at you playing the guitar made me feel happy, wondering whether you will play songs using your guitar to me in the future. (My wish ... Granted! XD ) that night, you made it to our talent night, I wished I could sing by myself to let you hear my singing but somehow my friends haha they sung a bit off and too loud, but I'm happy because we enjoyed the night especially with you. I peeked at you so many times when you're looking around.that night I did begged you to come our worship service tomorrow. Though you said you might not come, I believe that you'll come because I trust you, you're different from other guys. Some of the guys might just text me awhile and then leave me like that, but you didn't, you continued to talk to me until one day that you told me
"I like you"
At first a special friend,
Then slowly become lovers

Till today I never regretted for liking you in the first place.

My darling, thank you, thank you for all your supports for me, thank you for the gifts you gave, I'm always touched by your gifts.
It is different from what other guys will give such as necklaces, bracelets useless stuffs,
Your gifts, is rich of love, you know a woman's heart well.
Darling, I love you




Sunday 22 July 2012

Thursday 5 April 2012

Trip to bintulu during march

Went there for musical training, quite strssed out but, I like the environ ment there, too bad there are gonna build aluminum extractor there where it emits radiation too, aiduh Ker lian them



Hmm these pictures looked familiar??

Monday 2 April 2012

Lost

I have no where to go,
It's feels the whole day loses its purpose,
Lifeless as i lay,
As a cold tear drips down my cheek,
My mind as if a blank paper,
Nothing I can seem to think or concentrate,
My sickness worsening, pain becoming more intense,
Yet no one is there to give me comfort today,

Flipping through letters you sent me .. Wishing Time can be rewinded to that time,
Found out that I miss my poems,
I've lost the ability to write about love,
I felt blank without it..

As I lay, thinking about a bad dream
I had dreamt,
Stabbing you with a Malay Keris into your chest,
The moment you lost your breath I screamed, yelled, tear myself,
"I had killed my love, I take it back no more"
I feel my life is ruined without you.

Waiting for you to talk to me feels like years and decades,
I was ashamed of myself,
If I hadn't do anything wrong,
If I had been hardworking enough to change myself for the better,
If...

But what is done is done, is useless to say more ifs,

I hope this period of dry times Will pass very soon..
I hope too..
Never you can bear not to talk to me for a day..
I know that I had done something terrible.
My sorrys is just as useless




Tuesday 27 March 2012

Wish everyday is a happy day

Oh! Happy Day Happy Day....
Life is stressful as it is, this year, I am going to face a common teenagers lifes' most challenging year (SPM).
Intense stress all over my class,
all the tops are in my class and I was positioned bottom of the class(not exactly last).
I wonder how i can cope this year,
i suddenly feel sejarah is hard to read and memorise,
my right eye is getting more blurry compared to last year,
my hair kept falling off my head,

*Sigh*
I hope i can find a way to overcome stress,
i hope that everyday i can be happy, and that happy means the smile does not wear off when i got bad results,
i hope i just can get excellent marks by just reading and revising for once,
 *Sigh*
i am tired~~

Tuesday 14 February 2012

5 Fleming

Not bad at all,
hahaha if you know what it means,
although stressful, pressurized, but,
i learned that, with all these,
it became my pushing force to get me ass out of the computer seat and start studying !!

If i were in other class today,
how and where am i now?
Probably playing facebook pet society





And so, i'm glad that God had put me into this aircond class(also let me enjoy aircond) to let me be able to increase my perseverance in studies, and also let me increase more knowledge(especially chemistry which our teacher is truly awesome in teaching chemistry).

so i hereby say thanks to my awesome God for letting me have a chance to sit into the best class,
and i hope that i wont in the last position of the class.

May God give me wisdom, perseverance, and good memory..><

Monday 13 February 2012

Valentines day, il San Valentino

Tomorrow it is,
Il San Valentino,
Tomorrow, The whole world is celebrating it,
Pink gifts, red roses, bears, chocolates are all over,
Even I can smell the smell of love in the air!!
Tonight, as the clock strikes 12 ,
"baby, I love you for my whole life and I'm not gonna let you go,", "honey, I love you:)" "my hubby, I love you no matter what happens."

All these sweet message texts will be sent all around the world,
All around every corner of the world,
Tomorrow,
Hands in hands, heart to heart, skin to skin, lips to lips,
All the feelings of love pouring out to one another, as if like waterfall pouring unending water from the mountain top,


My best friend, she had prepared her own present for him, chocolates, and him, invites her to a candle light dinner in a cozy romantic restaurant,

I envy them, I'm so envious of them,
I'm so jealous of those couples who are able to celebrate formally,
Where they can touch each others hand, look at each other in the eye,
Intimating..

I know that one day it'll be my turn,
But I'll have to simply wait.

Some people in the world are unable to celebrate the day,
Some of them hates valen's,
As they graded themselves "forever alone",

As for me, I'm not "forever alone" and also unavailable,

Believe it or not, I'm giving a present to somebody far far away, where I cannot touch, nor communicate(exclude technologies like skype)

I'm grateful for this:) and I'm happy to buy that present for you,

Appreciate it, love it, take good care of it and love me:)

Thursday 9 February 2012

Heartless

Selfish, arrogant, irresponsible,
Heartless young woman laying on the sheets of bed,
Thinks of her results in school more than anything,
Without giving a superficial chance for others to give in,
Especially the special someone,

Maybe that tmyound woman is stressed out,
Heard that she got scold by her mother that she is so irresponsible( for not washing the damn dishes),
She felt cold after that person told her he doesn't wanna find her anymore,
She does not know how to do,
To cry,
To shout,
To hit her head in the walls?
All the stress, combined with anger produced due to mother scolding her irresponsible, sadness from special someone,
It's a whole lot of 3 negative combination,
How do we count that?
-9a(is unknown, probably a=1,2,3...)-5a(number of anger which is kept inside all along)-4a(degree of sadness varies)

-9a-5a-4a=-18a







why aren't you answering me anymore?
What am I supposed to do?
I can't study because I am sad, but I have to study because I had to, I have no mood but to have mood to study, this is just torturing me.

Thursday 2 February 2012

A terrible mistake

Last night,
As aunt blood flows,
Laying on my flower bed
This is my biggest mistake ever.

Phoon promised to skype at 12
I lay on my bed at 11,
Accidently dozed off,
And woke 1:00 am sharp.

I saw the messages,
"Dear dear I'm going to sleep le",
I texted him immediately,
But I was too late,
I made my biggest mistake,
I missed phoon so much,
I hated aunt flow,
I can't see him,
I can't have enough time revising,

*sobs* 1:28 am